Monday, 25 December 2006

Christmas is soooo depressing

I am not sure how true is that in Christmas more people dissapear (voluntarily) and that the number of people depressed soars. I am not sure why, but although I love what Christmas is, it always turns out to be a dramatic disappointment for me. Maybe its due to the fact that is also my birthday on Christmas Day.
Take for instance this year. Our plans for the festive season included a trip to Egypt to be with Omar parents (last year my family came). Of course something important health related made that plan impossible. Not to worry. Maybe we could go to Canada and have a nice white Christmas, but, oh no! prices are crazy. All right we will stay at home alone (all friends are away or with family) and fix the house, because it certainly needs it.

Then comes the big decision about my present. Since its both Christmas and Birthday it tends to be a big present rather than two medium sized. So I make an small list. The two first presents are my dream and I know they are very expensive, specially the first one (a studio cabin in the garden so I can teach and design there). The second present is something I have wanted for over two years now. All right it is expensive, but I think that i will use it quite a lot and it is a D80 (before it was just a D70). The other three things on the list were: an voucher for my favorite scrapbooking shop, a voucher for House of Fraser and a Pamper day at my favorite beauty salon (to which I haven't been for almost a year).

My lovely husband doesn't like any of my listings. Friday, 22nd of December: we go to London to do some errands, then we go to Oxford street and we go to Currys where amazignly he buys me exactly what I wanted plus a personal photo printer. Wow! I can not believe my luck!
Next morning, Saturday 23rd of December, my husband realizes that he has spent too much money and starts to feel really bad about it. So I say that it's all right and that we must return the items. They are really expensive. Sunday, December 24rd: we go to our local Currys and return everything. I insisted on doing that, it is a lot of money. Then, my sweet husband spents two or three hours in my studio making me card, and that means a lot to me. Also he does me a voucher for something, what will it be?

This morning I wake up with the sweetest person in the world beside me and also with the cutest cat in the world beside us. Husband goes and gets me the card, it is gourgous, really nice and it says: The best thing about Chritsmas ... (inside) is you . He apologizes about the whole D80 event and he gives me a voucher for a "Deluxe haircut, makeup and photoshoot" just for me. It is so sweet, but inside me it's raining heavily. That is something I definetly don't want, and actually I feel quite uncomfortabily with the idea. I only trust a few people with my hair, and the whole makeup thingh is something more for a teenagers rather than someone who is already closer to thirty than twenty. To have a few phtos of me looking like someone else it is not something I would like to scrap or frame. A photoshoot with both of us by Kirsty Wiseman would have been perfect, I would have gotten to meet her and have some photos of both of us together.
Am I a selfish, ungrateful cow? I honestly think that I am, for that reason alone I feel depressed, seriously depressed and all I want to do is sit on my pijamas and cry on my sofa.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh sweetheart! Huge hugs for you- go and do something that makes you happy- and treat YOURSELF to a day at the salon! You deserve it! Having a lousy christmas too if it makes you feel any better!! -x-

Sprogpaws said...

Oh, Paula, I'm so sad to read your tale, but I know exactly where you are coming from.

I get really depressed every Christmas and birthday, and then feel very ungrateful and horrible about it, but I can't help it. It always makes me sad when I receive presents which seem to say that the giver knows nothing about me, or wasn't interested in thinking of something which would make me happy. I never receiving crafting goodies, despite it being my obsession, and this year my DH has 'treated' me to an all over massage at a local hotel's spa. I just wanted to cry when I saw the voucher, because I hate my body, and to have him give me a gift which means I have to take my clothes of in front of a complete stranger, and allow myself to be so vulnerable, just breaks my heart. The only good thing I can say about it is that it's valid for 6 months, so maybe it'll make me do something about my weight, and body image before I have to use it.

You are not alone in feeling like this, really you're not, and as awful as it sounds, it's reassuring for me to know that someone else understands how I'm feeling too.

Big hugs to you from me.

Anonymous said...

Hi Paula
So sad that Christmas was not good for you. You are not ungrateful - we all feel like that sometimes.
All I can say is that the most important thing at Christmas time is to love and be loved by someone special - that is something i have learnt over the years. You have a wonderful husband who obviously loves you - what can be a better present than that? Give him a big hug and a kiss, and tell him you love him. The other stuff is just "things" - you can get those another time if u can afford it.

Anonymous said...

Hi Paula
So sad that Christmas was not good for you. You are not ungrateful - we all feel like that sometimes.
All I can say is that the most important thing at Christmas time is to love and be loved by someone special - that is something i have learnt over the years. You have a wonderful husband who obviously loves you - what can be a better present than that? Give him a big hug and a kiss, and tell him you love him. The other stuff is just "things" - you can get those another time if u can afford it.

Kirsty said...

your wish has been granted!
I present ye with a gift of a free photo shoot plus the disc with all the proofs.
I AM BEING SERIOUS
All you have to do is email me and I shall wave my magic wand and arrange it.
kirsty wiseman xx

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